Random Repertoire of Ramblings

The Comfort of Conversation

2006-04-03T17:37:00.000+05:00

I’m back!!! Have been wanting to write about hajj since January but have discarded many a draft as no amount of words can do the experience justice…I’ve decided to wait till I find the right words, realizing that might never happen hehe…work has given me a chance to travel, meet new people and learn new things...but recently I have noticed myself zoning out of meaningless conversations about angelina jolie and brad pitt, interesting presentations that are so long and repetitive I lose concentration, useless rhetoric, and random small talk…I feel like saying “ stop using these empty phrases and big words man sahi tarha batao kya hai” hahaha…which in effect has convinced me that no amount of books, movies, presentations, seminars, courses at college can teach you what you can learn from a one to one conversation with a friend/colleague/family member or even an acquaintance…and here I’m talking about a REAL conversation…an exchange of ideas/feelings/emotions/thoughts/experiences...be it sitting with a parent/grand parent/aunt/uncle/sibling/friend...listening to them recount a memorable experience that impacted their lives is absolutely priceless...listening to them dispensing advice or turning to you for some is again, in my mind, very fullfilling.

The thing is, God created us as speaking creatures and it is speech that distinguishes human beings from other species. Too often I feel we don’t open up/let others in and sometimes for good reason hehe…its difficult to trust…but too many friendships never go beyond that superficial stage because we have mastered the art, not of communication, but of small talk…my mom uses a saraiki phrase to explain such things...she says it’s a case of “ buss story story heyy khahani kujh koi nae” hahaha...that I would say is an apt and befitting description…. It's possible to talk endlessly about sports, fashion, music, work…But that's not enough. We need people with whom we can share our innermost thoughts/ideas/experiences…that’s the only way we can really connect with each other, beneath the surface.

Forget friends, even family members can and usually live in communicative isolation. We can live in the same house, watch tv like zombies for hours, eat together yet not communicate for days. It’s so easy to live in your own little corner, isolated in your room, listening to your own music, grappling with your own struggles. We need to be with others, not to watch television (although silent bonding is important as well and better than nothing) but to be together and communicate. Without such an exchange you can stifle in your own self-contained box and stagnate emotionally.

In Tuesday’s with Morrie (which by the way is a feel good/motivated must read) Mitch says, “ I spent so many hours on things that meant absolutely nothing to be personally: movie starts, supermodels, the latest noise out of Princess Di or Madonna or John F Kennedy Jr…why did we bother with all the distractions we did? Morrie had created a cocoon of human activities- conversation, interaction, affection- and it filled his life like an overflowing soup bowl.” Morrie said, “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things.” And that is soooo truee!!!

I think conversations give you a chance to build deep connections (re-build old ones) and explore entire worlds...they give you a chance to vent/to share/to listen/to learn/to give advice and receive it…you know the whole dukh sukh bantna philosophy is oh so comforting!! The resulting relationship is infinitely more rewarding! As the Telenor add says “talk less say more” “hear less listen more” or something to that effect!!!

The Ant Can't See

2005-12-27T22:47:00.000+05:00

This July I remember feeling frustrated and confused trying to decide which course to take: masters vs. work. I craved the freedom and insouciance of life at college and dreaded the idea of work = getting out of the isolated little bubble that was my life in Lahore. My brain was working over time worrying me to death about the “ifs” “buts” and “oh shit’s”. I wanted to escape/runaway to London = my sanctuary where I could be on my own free to do as I please without any restrictions, obligations, questions of marriage and children looming large. I was faced with the opportunity to work in the One Village One Product Programme and I was too scared to reach out and grab it.

Forward to five months later- December 2005 update/current status: I got back from London three weeks ago after a much needed and refreshing 6 week break/change of scenery. I got a taste of the freedom I craved, ate like a maniac,took a trip to rome and many trips to new york,watched movies and learned how to make shoes hahaha(amongst other classes I was taking shoemaking at saint martins = trying to delve in to something creative for inspiration and fullfillment)Since my return I have started working at SMEDA (small and medium enterprise development authority) under the One Village One Product Programme (now known as AHAN aik hunar aik nagar) and I’m loving it. So I am very very grateful to God because I feel like I got the best of both worlds in SMALL doses- of course I didn’t get exactly what I wanted but its close enough for me to be ecstatic!

Point: Life has a strange way of working out/going your way even when you least expect it...so try and be patient (which is next to impossible for me to do hehe)

Raja of Mahmudabad rahimahullah has said: “What does the ant know of the pattern of a Persian carpet?” It is as if the ant is crawling through a forest of trees of the carpet and does not know what the pattern is, but if we look at it we see that the ant is in fact moving through a completely structured and determined set of patterns of enormous complexity. That is the reality of the existence of that instance. But this is also true of us.”

So the ant can’t see the pattern, but that don’t mean it aint there :) YA SEE!?!? So even if you can only see the trees you have to know that you are actually making your way through a forest...no matter how lost and direction less you feel, know that you will find your way...I’m not saying I have found mine but I know ill get there one day...all we can do is put in our all and know that we will get there- EVENTUALLY! inshallah :)

The Frustration of Fear and Fantasies

2005-11-04T00:30:00.000+05:00

When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun and happiness with little or no regard for repercussions, you say what you mean/do as you please and somehow just deal with the consequences. You feel like no matter what happens you will be okay…As you grow older you tend to become more cautious, you think before you speak, you look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all...the fear of failure, disappointment, regret and repercussions is enough for most of us not to take that leap of faith…fearing repetition of past mistakes and remembering the pain that was associated with them, you shy away from new opportunities- feeling you have too much to lose… With the passage of time your idealistic ideologies and fantasies about life slowly start to disintegrate and before you know it they are replaced by new “realistic” versions altered by the course of negative personal experiences and of course that FEAR…be it choosing a career path, a partner, making new friends and trusting old ones…you learn to protect yourself as a voice from within tells you “ don’t be so trusting” “don’t be so naive” “wake up and smell the damn coffee”…that voice from with in that knows how you have suffered along the way on account of blind faith, trust and the feeling of invincibility-all the wonders of youth and the magic that surrounds it.

When you’re in school all you have to really do is make sure you get into college, when you’re in college all you have to do is make it to class and get decent grades but come graduation and BOOM…you ask yourself “what do I wanna be when I grow up” and then you think “wait a minute…I have grown up! What do I want to do? What do I wanna be? Who do I wanna be with?!?! FOREVER…and that’s scary…the thing is since birth we are told by those around us that we can do anything and be anyone-the choices are endless…but when you grow up you realize that once you choose one option (a job, a career, a guy) all other options go away…even scarier!! The most frustrating part of it all is that when you’re faced with any important decision you worry yourself to death thinking about anything and everything that can possibly go wrong…So amidst a haze of fear and anxiety you’re left to wonder what you really want, why and for how long

I feel like a contradiction…I don’t want to let go of my fantasies…I want to believe-in myself and those around me…I want to believe in true love, in the perfect job that you love and adore-that not only makes you feel productive but gives you a reason to wake up every morning with a smile on your face looking forward to the day ahead…I want to trust, even if I get hurt in the process…BUT the fear of permanence/the idea that this is FOREVER renders me unable to commit to anything…knowing that I have made mistakes in the past and how I have suffered I cant help but worry myself to death with every possible scenario and so many questions-“what if I fail” “what if I get hurt” “ will I really be able to recover- again?!?!”…choices/options/decisions…. weighing the pros and cons, calculating the probability of failure a 1001 times, I convince myself its just not worth it and in an effort to protect myself I decide to take no action at all, cos I figure that way I’ll be safe…but the truth is that is a sad saddd existence…I feel absolutely incapacitated and trapped in a prison of my own making…the truth is sometimes letting go is the only way to move forward because living life in constant fear is not living at all…So this is what I’ve decided to do- I’m going to tell that scared little voice from within to shut up…I’m not letting go of my fantasies…I don’t want to live this jaded existence…I’m going to trust! I’m going to believe and not look back! I’m going to take that leap of faith! Because I would rather try and fail than not try at all…but this time I’m going to dream big and take small steps!! Veryyy small steps and just hope/wish/pray for the absolute best! inshallah!

me

High School Reunion

2005-08-25T02:44:00.000+05:00

School was a such magical time- non-issues that seemed like life altering occurrences, the endless list of rules and the thrill of breaking them, water fights, the exhilaration of bunking (even though that meant hiding out in the bathroom), passing notes in class, the trepidation of o levels, the excitement of volleyball, the insanely gross yellow uniform, the obnoxious names we had for our teachers, the talent shows which always included a fashion show hahaha, the basketball matches with l.a.s and l.c.a.s which was, lets face it, a time to see and be seen hahaha…lunch at zouk, bowling, ice cream at chill out, the elation of a new crush, the endless giggles and laughing fits, the photo sessions- God we thought we were gorgeous when in actuality we were bushy eye browed, swollen nosed awkward teenagers who were pretty damn clueless when it came to “dressing up” hahaha (for the majority of our high school experience anyway)- then of course there were the cliques, the labels, the attitudeee and of course the studs who were “too cool for school” haha-we were convinced we were invincible…a world of possibilities lay ahead of us and it felt like it was ours for the taking…we were the Class of 2000 and life at The International School Of Choueifat was absolutely fabulous.

Five years later the Class of 2000 reunited unexpectedly and it was a surreal experience. It was the first time we met as people, as ourselves- without any cliques, without any labels, as all those distinctions seem to have faded away with the passage of time- except of course that there was voluntary segregation for most of the evening haha…it was heartening to know that each of us are excelling at our own field- some are pursuing law degrees, others mba’s, some have ventured into politics, others are tending to their lands, most have been initiated in to the family business, some are working abroad, a few are married, others engaged and most plain single and ecstatic. The “attitudes” had been shed for friendly conversing, bonding and lots of laughter…people had acquired better dress sense/style/confidence even accents but I couldn’t help but think none of us had changed all that much. It was surreal because so much time had passed without any kind of communication, we went to separate colleges, led separate lives, met different people, learnt new things- we grew up and grew apart, yet so much has stayed the same. I guess sometimes we overestimate the rate of expected change…after all we were expected to have Jetsonesque flying cars by year 2000…clearly that didn’t happen…and of course our very own city 2001- futuristic video game galore…how cute!!! So either we were expecting to transform drastically in the span of five years or it’s just that while we have all changed significantly as individuals, as a group we possess the same relationships/bonds/wave length as we did in high school and that’s why the change seems almost negligible…either way it’s a comfort to know that we can still relate to each other, it’s a comfort to know we still share this silent bond of having studied at the same place at the same time, being subjected to the same torture 8 hours a day…conclusion- some of the strongest bonds/ friendships are formed in high school and have the potential to become life long comradeships, but like every relationship they require constant nurture and care.

When I got home, I was tempted to go through my year book- whizzing through it I read the valedictory address and smiled to myself- the last paragraph read, “We first came to Choueifat so long ago as awkward kids. Over the years it has transformed us, against all odds, into awkward adults who can do calculus! Seriously, I am certain that we, the class of 2000, will be Nobel Prize Winners, famous doctors, leading economists, top scientists and renowned artists. Like the tree that symbolizes our school, we will by the grace of Allah, take root, branch out and enrich every corner of the world!” Bilal Aslam. Well we have a long way to go, but I think it’s safe to say we are on our way!!! Inshallah!

P.S those of you who couldn’t be there- just know that you were missed greatly!!!

reunion

Super Dee Dooper Man

2005-08-06T02:12:00.002+05:00

When I was a kid I use to dress up as supergirl waiting for superman to come and sweep me of my feet-literally!!! I’d dream about flying over the world with him like Lois Lane…God I hated her hahaha…Superman was and perhaps still maybe my ideal man (although he was an alien hehe) he’s handsome,charming,powerful and hes just suchhhh a niceeee guy!!! He rescues cats from trees, endangers his life for people he doesn’t even know, acts behind the scenes and lets others receive the credit and his modesty and humility seem so soooo geuine and appealing that these qualities leave his foes and critics confused and dumbstruck, as they try to grapple why he spends his life helping others and doing good. I guess Superman symbolizes what is best in man.

In Kill bill 2 there is a discussion/dialogue between Bill and Beatrice about Superman’s unique condition of having Clark Kent as his alter ego instead of the other way around. Superman is who he is. Clark Kent is his 'alter ego', which is the opposite of most hero's. Bill explains that most superheroes are people who have to transform themselves to become a superhero: “Bruce Wayne has to put on a costume to become Batman, Peter Parker goes to bed and wakes up Peter Parker, not Spider-Man.” But Superman's real identity is Superman. His cape is the blanket from the rocketship that brought him to Earth, he is always that strong. For Superman, Clark Kent is the disguise: He puts on glasses he doesn't need, wears a suit that's human and not Kryptonian, and acts like a klutz and a coward. Bill thinks the Bride/Beatrice/Uma is like Superman: She's a killer, and even if she'd left, settled down, had a family, it would still be a disguise from her true self…so the question is can we really escape/change who we basically are?!?! And if some how we manage to escape it…how long before our ‘true self’ takes over?!?

One answer to the first question is offered by the science of doyletics which claims that every event that occurs to a child before it reaches the age of five is stored as an internal state, a physical body state, a.k.a doyles, which form the substrate of every feeling and emotion the child will experience for the rest of its life. In other words many psychologists etc think a child’s BASIC personality is formed before the age of five…hmmm this would definitely support Bill’s assertion that you cannot change your ‘true self’. About the second question…there is a general consensus that genes take over after 40…which I guess would support the ‘true self taking over’ theory…but while I feel our core may remain the same, personality is ever evolving…we are constantly changing and growing (at least I hope we are hehe) we are a product of our past and present, genes and upbringing= nature and nurture, the family we have and the friends we make…over the years because of all the reasons above our ideas change, our attitudes change, our idealogies evolve, our habits change…I for one don’t feel I am the same person I was last year…not because I have bi-polar disorder haha but because I would like to believe im older/wiser/stronger…but what if Bill is right?!?! What if all these changes are temporary (till we turn 40 and boom back to basics)!?!? What if we cant change our true self?!?!is all this effort in vain!?!?

Great Expectations

2005-08-02T02:15:00.000+05:00

The tragedy of being the eldest child in your family (apart from the fact that you are a guinea pig) is that your parents expect you to be absolutely perfect. The eldest child is expected to be responsible, sensible, intelligent, witty and wise...And it’s not just parents who impose this pressure on us; almost everyone who is anyone in our lives automatically applies a high set of expectations for the first born. I remember when I was in school and would get an 18 outta 20 on an exam (which is an A+) I would rush home and ask my father, “Abu guess what I got on my math exam!”…he would casually say, “20?” as I noticed my ego and excitement deflate instantly...you are not only supposed to be responsible, sensible, intelligent, witty and wise to make your parents proud, but you have the added pressure of being the role model and setting an example for your younger siblings, whether you are eight or twenty eight- and that can be oh so tough…but these expectations/pressures don’t stop there nor do they solely apply to the eldest child. Our family, teachers/school, siblings, peers, religion, society and to a large extent the mass media all impose different pressures on us and are crucial factors that shape our personalities and make us who we are.

We are told by the media ‘thin is beautiful’, we are told by our parents that we must be well mannered, polite, intelligent, honest, honorable, decent human beings; we are told by our friends that we must be cool, smart, funny and fun to be with; we are told by our teachers to be brilliant, athletic well rounded individuals and of course everyone wants us to be shiny happy people…all smiles all the time…but what if you don’t feel shiny and happy 24 hours a day? What if your not super model skinny? What if you hate swimming?!!? Or worse- don’t know how to... None of us can be all these things and especially not all the time…then why the unrealistic and totally unattainable level of expectations?!?! I don’t know about you but I feel that once high expectations have been imposed on you it becomes a constant struggle/battle to keep up because the higher the expectations, the greater the chance of disappointment.…Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do or how hard I try I just cannot and do not measure up to the unrealistic, superwoman expectations to be oh so perfect by those around me…why cant we just love and accept our loved ones for who they are and not what we want them to be!??!whyyyyy?

Escape Vs. Reality

2005-07-22T02:19:00.000+05:00

Many times in life you find yourself at a crossroads, not knowing which path to take...that's where I find myself today...I'm faced with a serious dilemma-I was all set to go to London this September for a masters in international marketing management to the Regents Business School-turns out my parents dont want me to go! how did this happen!?!well one: London bombings= london’s unsafe, back lash anticipated =my parents too scared to let me go- thank you al qaeda...two: both my sisters are at college in Toronto,my brother is in school and at sixteen he's oh so busy doing his thang, work has forced my father to spend the majoirty of his time in good old isloo which leaves my mother all alone in lahore, so abandoning her could possibly be the most selfish and ruthless move ever, considering the millions of sacrifices shes made for me over the years…three: the alternative is to work which seems like an exciting prospect but it means getting out of my bubble and start living in the real world arghhh...the problem is I want to go to London so bad, it almost feels like a NEED...you see the reason my post college transition was so smooth was because at the back of my head I knew I was leaving in a year…because I didn’t feel this was forever and saw light at the end of the tunnel I didn’t feel the intense suffocation/frustration/feeling trapped post college phenomenon…right now London seems sooo close yet soooooo far…a whole year to be on my own, to be at college again in my own little apartment- the freedom= no curfews, no restrictions, no obligations per se- the trips sana and I had planned to random locations in europe…good food, the cinemas, walking around, the riding classes we were supposed to take, the plan to face my worse nightmare- accouting and finance and knowing that I can have a masters degree by next summer…but my biggest reason for wanting to go to london (besides the fact that sana will never forgive me for ditching her last minute) is to escape the marriage question…but right now everything is at stake-everything in question...one thing's for sure though-London is the perfect escape!

The other option is to face the reality that is my life (I know I want to live in my own country, don’t wanna be a brain drain stat and want to try and make whatever little difference I can to the plight of my own people and give back to the country that has given me everything I have ever needed) work in pakistan and just learn to adjust…In an effort to convince me of just that, my father sent me to spend the day with Hina Rabbani Khar (who btw is tooo damn cool) to work on the One Village One Product programme. Although the programme is in the incubator stage right now, I got a chance to see it materialize, first hand and it was a long, exciting and exhausting day. The One Village, One Product programme started in Japan to promote regional revitalization and was adopted by Thailand, Korea and Malaysia. Basically what happens is that each local community identifies one (in some cases more) locally unique product (for example Multan is famous for its tiles), the product is then “modernized” by top designers so that it can be sold (this includes design/packaging/ marketing), a local brand is established, and the products are then sold to the domestic market and/or beyond. As a result you speed up development of the local economy, boost rural development and empower these brilliant craftsmen (who in most cases are women) by providing them a market to sell their goods (teaching them to fish vs. giving them fish, philosophy). So you are able to create a positive economic and social impact. It’s a huge task and a great opportunity and I cant help but think I’ll be a big fat fool not to take it.

FACT: If I leave my mother alone I will absolutely die of guilt- it is my responsibility as the eldest and a part of me knows I should own up to it. FACT: most of my friends are back from college and its so tempting to stay back just for that.FACT: Regents business school isn’t exactly Harvard FACT: I will always regret not going to London sp. if my life long desire/hunger for higher education is not satiated FACT: I will have to deal with the marriage question cos I wont be able to get away with saying I’m studying- daimmmmm FACT: I have paid a hefty registration fee which of course is non-refundable FACT: I need to get away, need a break, need the freedom, need to be on my own…yes there are pros and cons for both options but it boils down to this--- > I can either study/learn about marketing management in London or practice it by working here in Pakistan…maybe this is my chance to contribute/to do my little bit for my country instead of just talking about it…maybe I should put my plans for masters on hold for now, work and apply next year…but why do I know in my gut- its now or never!

To escape or not to escape that is the question…

escape

Jihad

2005-07-12T20:07:00.000+05:00

I was thinking about what Rehanna said about Morgan Spurlock's documentary/programme...she said, " Spurlock went up to random people in nyc and asked them what the first thing that comes to mind for them was when he'd say "islam" and they were like.. "terrorists". and then he'd go further down the street and try someone else and be like "terrorist".. and the person was like "hmm.. i think of islam, muslims.. jihad." i was like oh No". That's right!!! unfortunately the term jihad has become associated (if not synonymous) with Islamic fundamentalism and terrorism which it is so notttt...so I thought I would write a blog about what Jihad actually is/supposed to be in Islam.

With regard to jihad, Asma Hassan says, “I should point out that by no means does jihad imply terrorism, death, or holy war. In America, Muslims understand jihad for what it really means: struggle. That’s right, jihad merely means struggle, not a holy war or a war against all Americans. Consistent with the Quran and Prophet Muhammad’s life, it often applies to an inner struggle to strengthen one’s beliefs against corrupting and anti-Islamic forces.” Ahmed Rashid states, “Western thought, heavily influenced by the medieval Christian Crusades has always portrayed jihad as an Islamic war against unbelievers. But essentially jihad is the inner struggle of a Muslim to become a better human being, improve himself and help his community.”

Bassiouni says, “The word jihad means “struggle” in Arabic, and its application is as varied as that of its English counterpart. It applies to individuals and to collectivities, and ranges from spiritual to armed struggle. Emphasizing the spiritual aspects of jihad, Prophet Muhammad referred to war as the smaller jihad, in contrast to the struggle against oneself (for goodness and piety) as the greater jihad…detractors of Islam, as well as orientalists, have almost exclusively focused on the warlike aspect of jihad.” Islamic fundamentalists have also tended to focus on the warlike aspects of jihad and according to Esposito both mainstream and extremist movements and “holy warriors” like Osama bin Laden have SELECTIVELY used the warlike aspect of jihad for their own purposes.

According to Rashid, “Islam also sanctions rebellion against an unjust ruler, whether Muslim or not and jihad is the mobilizing mechanism to achieve change. Thus the life of Prophet Muhammad has become the jihadi model of impeccable Muslim behavior and political change as the Prophet himself rebelled, with deep religious and moral anger, against the corrupt Arab society he was living in…Yet jihad does NOT sanction the killing of fellow Muslims on the basis of ethnicity or sect…” Nor does it sanction the killing of innocent non-Muslims.

Al-Qaeda is led by bin Laden and Zawahiri, however its infrastructure is decentralized as each cell operates independently with its members not knowing the identity of other cells. Therefore the problem is that its set up in such a way that the organization cannot fall apart even if the top leadership is eliminated...

9-11 happened because Al- Qaeda wanted to get the attention of the ‘sleeping giant’, who in their opinion had been bullying the Muslims for years (by occupying their holy lands, taking their resources, exporting western ideas, blindly supporting Israel and countless dictatorships, and funding the genocide of Muslims around the world for years) so they bombed the twin towers in NYC and killed hundreds of Muslims?!?! does that make sense?!? can terrorism be justified?!!? now they have attacked London....in the last televised al-qaeda video zawahiri included Pakistan on the list of "evil" nations...are we next?!?! where will this stop??! can it stop?!? these fundos are making a mockery of our religion and we are standing here confused, frustrated, petrified and absolutely helpless...

bin laden

Terrorism Strikes London

2005-07-07T17:24:00.000+05:00

I am angryyyy and frustratedddddd…..I woke up well slept and happy turned on the tv and was appalled to see havoc and commotion on the BBC…as I rubbed my eyes in disbelief I realized that London had been rocked by terrorist attacks-six blasts reported in central London, more than 100 casualties and two reported dead, all of London’s transport was at a standstill and the world was left shocked/frustrated/angry yet again. The first thing I told myself, “Oh! Please Allah Mian don’t let Muslims be behind these attacks, please don’t let it be al- Qaeda.” But of course to my dismay and humiliation it was. According to the BBC, an Islamist website posted a statement - allegedly from al-Qaeda - claiming it was behind the attacks. How sweet!!! I watched a visibly shaken Tony Blair make a statement, he said it was “particularly barbaric” that these attacks were timed to coincide with the G8 summit. That’s an understatement!

WHYYYYY?!?! Why have these terrorists high jacked our religion?!? Why are they giving us a bad name!?! What are they trying to achieve by causing death and destruction to innocent civilians?!?! How is terrorism supposed to solve anything?!?! Yes I understand the goal of Al-Qaeda is not mayhem and destruction, for the sake of it, but instead it is to drive out the US from the middle-east, tell these superpowers to stop interfering in our affairs, and return Islam and Muslims to a status reminiscent of the glorious Muslim past…BUT this is not the way to do it. These assholes have misinterpreted Islam (applying selective definitions from the Quran and Hadith to justify their actions) why don’t they understand that by such barbaric actions they are NOT improving the plight of Muslims but instead are harming both Islam and Muslims worldwide. Yes I feel for Muslim freedom struggles in Palestine, Chechnya, Bosnia, Kosovo, Kashmir- we ALL do…YES we have been treated unfairly by these superpowers sp. America and yes the United Kingdom is its biggest ally BUT comon for God’s sake get over it!!!! If Muslims invest all this time/effort/energy/intelligence/money/hard work/dedication toward a positive cause (like education, health, sanitation) instead of causing death and destruction- we would definitely go places. Why can’t we stop pointing fingers at others who have treated us unfairly? Why can’t we improve ourselves? Strengthen ourselves from within?whyyyyyyyy?!?

london attack

The Old Cow-New Cow Theory

2005-07-06T23:30:00.000+05:00

Have you ever wondered why so many men (and okay some women) cheat? I have never figured out why these men, who have the perfect wives at home, still feel the need for a mistress or two. And its not just married men, I know boys who have gone out with two girls simultaneously (of course the girls had no clue). And then there are men who have had a solid seven year relationship with the perfect girl who they love, adore and want to marry, but still cheat...WHY? Well Laura Zigman’s “Old Cow-New Cow Theory” theory may explain this bizarre phenomenon (also seen in the movie, Someone like you). The theory claims that the mating rituals of cows can be used to explain why men lose interest in their old girlfriends/wives and seek new partners.

According to Glenn Wilson, “The males of most mammalian species have a definite urge towards seeking variety in their sexual partners. If a male rat is introduced to a female rat in a cage, a remarkably high copulation rate will be observed at first. Then, progressively, the male will tire of that particular female and, even though there is no apparent change in her receptivity, he eventually reaches a point where he has little apparent libido. However, if the original female is then removed and a fresh one supplied, the male is immediately restored to his former vigor and enthusiasm.” interestingggggg

Also, “Rams and bulls are unmistakably resistant to repeating sex with the same female. A single bull can be relied upon to do the rounds of all the available cows, and a single ram will eventually service all the sheep in his domain. Male animals do not choose their mates randomly: they identify and reject those that they have already had sex with. In the case of rams and bulls it is notoriously difficult to fool them that a female is unfamiliar. Attempts to disguise an old partner by covering her face and body or masking her odors with other smells are usually unsuccessful. Somehow she is identified as "already serviced" and the male moves on to less familiar females.” Glenn Wilson, The Great Sex Divide

The thing is human beings do have animal instincts and so I think this theory sheds light on why so many men (not all) tire of their long-term partners and long for something/someone new. But even if we ignore this specific application of the theory( cheating or leaving your old girlfriend/boyfriend for a new one) we know that ANYTHING new seems more appealing, be it a new pair of shoes you just have to have or a new book you’ve just bought and cant wait to read. There is a degree of mystery, excitement and pleasure that is associated with anything new. Perhaps this is because once we’ve had something for too long we start to take it for granted; the old becomes the standard and boring and anything new is seen as fresh/different and therefore thrilling. Even if we have the perfect partner, after a while, we start to take them for granted and in the words of Carrie Bradshaw the relationship starts to lose the "tza tza tzoo".

Okay okayyy i know human beings are more complex and there are a thousand different factors that affect human emotions/relationships/decisions; and as tempting as it may be, no one single theory can be used to explain human behavior- fine. I realize this theory is one-dimensional and we happen to be a little more complicated than cows, but comon this theory, as simplistic as it may be, does bear some resemblance to the truth, doesn’t it?!?!

cows

Troubled At Twelve

2005-06-30T00:07:00.000+05:00

When I was 12 I had my first pre-pre-pre mid life crisis with the emergence of Kriss Kross and TLC…they were kids my age who had made it big and somehow their success made me feel like a failure…I was slapped on the face with the realization that there are people more talented/smarter/cooler than me…not just in my own social setting but in the world out there/the bigger picture. It was at twelve that I realized I wanted to get me some of that acclaim/applause/fame…amused by the emergence of such young talent my parents would say, “Mehroo dekha hai they are your ageeee” and I would be thinking “ Yeaa I knowww stop rubbing my failures in my face” as I gave them a fake smile hahaha… I was a hilarious kid who took herself too seriously haha..I guess it comes with the terrain of being the eldest…I was really harsh on myself since it dawned upon me that I had no real talent…I couldn’t sing/dance/play a sport/play an instrument…at least not on national level and certainly not on an international level… “Ha! Jack of all trades master of none” I thought to myself…and then Dougie Houser MD, child prodigy appeared on the scene and I knew it was game over for me…hahaha…and I completely gave up!

As I grew up I got over it…but the familiar feelings would come creeping back now and then…for example I was ecstatic to get into the University of Michigan and was very proud of my performance there…but then I found out that a kid from my school got into Harvard, and while I was extremely proud of him, I couldn’t help but think why not me…I couldn’t help but reproach myself for not having studied harder, for not having participated in enough extra-curricular activities, for not being a world class athlete...today feelings of inadequacy come rushing back when I see people like Sania Mirza carving out a name for themselves in the world out there while I sit here on my ass thinking about all the things I want to achieve but never do anything about…but today my feelings are conflicted, because on the one hand I hate myself for not having achieved as much/or anything for that matter hahaha…while on the other hand I look up to these young stars, I appreciate their talent and salute their hard work and dedication. A feeling of overwhelming pride comes over me when I see one of my “own” people ( Pakistani/Muslim/people my age/women) make it out there in the big bad world and I cant help but smile, I cant help but wish them all the best, I cant help but pray for them and cheer them on.

The truth is there will always be people out there who are smarter/cooler/taller/fairer/prettier/thinner/brighter/funnier/richer, just as they will be people who are worse of than you and me...we just be happy with what we’ve got and make the most of our own assets…its important to understand that the competition is not/should not be with other people per se but in the end the competition is only with our selves…the goal should not be to be no. 1 in the rat race...but instead to push ourselves to do the best we can do and be the best that we can be…and some day soon we will all make a difference in this world we live in, in our own little way...inshallah!
sania

IRONIC

2005-06-24T17:02:00.000+05:00

The truth is life is IRONIC…there are so many oh so ironic anecdotes we can narrate from our own experiences and hundreds we can see in the lives of those around us...so it makes perfect sense that the mass media/pop culture (mainly movies, songs etc) has capitalized on this phenomena and thus created material time and time again to reflect this truth (the ironies of life!) of these my favorite is Carlito’s Way…

Al Pacino, the sexiest man alive, plays a Puerto Rican ex-con Carlito, who after serving time, pledges to stay away from his former drug dealing ways but finds himself being dragged back by his past connections into a life of violence and crime. Hoping to raise enough money to get away from New York, Carlito starts running a nightclub, renews an affair with a dancer/old fling/lovahhh and tries to escape his past. When he finally finallyyyy decides to move away to Florida and start a fresh, standing at the train station he smirks, having defeated all his "enemies"….at that moment, Benny Blanco appears outta the blue and stabs him to death. Who the hell is Benny Bronco you ask?!?! his fatalll enemy..his evil twin brother..his lovahhh’s boyfriend?!?! NUP here’s the ironic bit…

Benny was one of those young, upcoming hustler/gangster types who saw Carlito as a role model…Anyway Benny sees Carlito in his club, comes up to him and starts kissing his ass, saying stuff like ohhh ur the greatest..i look up to you bla blee bloo

Carlito for some bizarre reason goes mad and says, “Who the fudge are you? I should remember you? What, you think you like me? You ain't like me motherfudger, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricon motherfudgers. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse.” And thennn Carlito has him beaten up for no reason at alllllllll..probably cos he was in a bad mood, didn’t feel threatened by this kid and thought he would get away with it…basically he was trying to be too cool and phelaoo-fy his dehshat…So isn’t it ironic that Carlito ( the supposed Don) after having defeated all the big shots in the game...was killed by a kid who could have been his biggest ally/sidekick… all because he was in a bad mood...Daymnnnnn!!!

So yea Alanis Morrisette had it right a decade ago.. Life is sooo ironic!!!

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardoned two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Well isn't this nice...”
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

I’ve added two verses of mine own :)

He says all the things you’ve waited so long to hear
That he wants you, needs you, loves you and how much he cares
But it’s a year too late
Ahhh the ironies of fate!
Isn’t it ironic..dont you think?

You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
Then you feel like banging your head against the wall cos ur so frustrated and torn
But don’t worry baby, cos like a phoenix you can be re-born
hahahahahaha

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

I know every cloud has a silver lining..and its all good BUT
Isn’t it ironiccccccccccc…dont YOU think?!?!

my Al

Free Will Vs. Predestination

2005-06-21T08:30:00.000+05:00

Aightt..lets talk religion for a minute...this free will and predestination debate has confused me to no end, time and time again..but I think i've finally found a way to make sense of it and draw some sort of conclusion...Okay..In Islam the term predestination refers to God’s decision to create and to govern creation, and deals with the extent to which God's decisions determine ahead of time what the destiny of groups and individuals will be. For example, He has foreordained the span of every person's life, and their lot of good or bad fortune, who they will marry and so on. What I want to discuss is the extent to which salvation and damnation are decided by God before hand, and the extent to which these matters are decided by human beings themselves. Are people confined by God to particular roles/lives/a certain destiny or kismat or do they have free will to make their own destiny? Basically the question is when people say " It's not my fault..yeh tu meri kismat thee to hona he tha no matter what i did!" are they right!?!

Risaleh-i-Barkhavi says: “Not only can He (Allah) do anything, He actually is the only One Who does anything. When a man writes, it is Allah who has created in his mind the will to write. Allah at the same time gives the power to write, then brings about the motion of the hand and the pen and the appearance upon paper. All other things are passive, Allah alone is active.”

The Quran says, “If Allah had willed He would have made you one nation. But He leads astray whom He will and guides whom He will. But you shall certainly be called to account for all your actions.” (Sura 16: 93)

Hmmm…kinda confusing..pre-ordained sin ("he leads astray whom He will") yet man is held responsible?("But you shall certainly be called to account for all your actions.")What confuses me is that if God knows everything, He must know the future of every human being before his/her birth, and if He knows the future- he knows who will do what, how everyone will die and whether they will go to heaven or hell. How then can we be free? and then why the whole game with satan if He knows how its going to end?!!Since Allah has power over everything, He knows and decides everything in His universe and whatever happens in this world happens according to Allah's will (Be it poverty, war, rape, famine, murder, homosexuality and so on).Then why are we held responsible for our actions?! If we don’t have free will and God has decided our fate before our birth why are we judged according to our actions here on earth and punished or rewarded accordingly!?!

The other point of view is that although Allah has the knowledge and power over all things, He has also granted freedom to human beings. Allah's power and foreknowledge do not mean that human beings have no freedom, nor does human freedom negate Allah's power and foreknowledge. Human beings are free only as much as Allah has granted them the freedom. Thus Allah will judge us according to the freedom and responsibility that He gave us.

After some seriously severe confusion about this topic, my conclusion is that Allah knowing how a new born will lead his/her life does not interfere directly with that child’s free will; it does not affect the decisions that child will make during the course of his/her life. For example if you’ve watched Constatine, God and satan both influence human beings to do good and bad deeds respectively, but the final choice is up to us. Another example is that of a parent who knows his/her child will fail the exam because he/she is not studying, but that does not affect the child’s decision to study/not study/fail/pass. Therefore Allah's power and knowledge and human freedom may not be mutually exclusive. I believe we do have free will, albeit limited, because things like birth, death, whether we are born an empress/prince or a pauper, the religion we are born in to and so on (the larger framework) has been predetermined; but we do have free will in the smaller framework( how we choose to live our life).

Also this is how I have made sense of the concepts of predestination and free will: Both exist in varying degrees and I believe that God has said okay if this person chooses path A, xyz will happen and if he/she chooses path B, jkl will happen and so on. So we have the free will to choose option A, B or C but once we choose a certain path ( e.g marry ali instead of raza, study math instead of history etc) then the other obstacles/gifts on that path are predetermined. Moreover since there is no concept of time for Allah, our whole dilemma about Him knowing before our birth etc becomes totally irrelevant. So basically I think we have free will and so we are tested and judged based on what God has given each of us individually. This is just my interpretation and the conclusions I have come to..lemme know what you guys think.

heaven/hell

The Phoenix

2005-06-20T01:46:00.000+05:00

Sitting here writing my first blog I have to say I feel very Carrie Bradshaw-ish…something I secretly craved but never thought I would have…for some reason I feel the need to introduce myself..having graduated last year from the University of Michigan I took a year of to relax, breathe, catch up on four years of sleep deprivation and basically sort out my life… adjusting to life in Lahore was easier than I had initially anticipated but like most people moving back after college I experienced the usual post college blues…waking up in the morning slightly disoriented, expecting to wake up in my little apartment in Ann Arbor, snapping at anyone in my family who dared to criticize me, craving the Thai food I liveddd on, no curfews, walking around the campus, the side walk cafes, thanksgiving trips with my friends to random destinations, and yes even the cruel cruel Michigan winter. So yeah moving back to Lahore definitely had its panic attack/suffocation moments but of course life here does have its innumerable advantages and so you learn to adjust. Anyway, when I finally arrived in Lahore I made a list of all the things I would do:
1. Gym
2. Learn how to drive (yes I know it sounds crazy but after a hilarious yet near fatal accident I just couldn’t get myself to sit behind the wheel)
3. Spend time with my family and rebuild/reestablish the bonds that have suffered because of the four years spent apart.
4. Finally read the Quran with the translation.(kinda defeats the purpose otherwise)

Anyway the year went by in a flash …of course I never did most of the things listed above...except finally reading the Quran and bonding with my family…now a year gone by and here I am going for my masters to London in two months…

At a time like this you look back on your life and start to reevaluate and critically analyze it…you think about what you have achieved and all the things you haven’t..which are usually greater…looking back on the last 23 yrs of my life I thought of about my childhood, the random games, ring around the roses (pronounced ringa ringa roses at the time hahaha) playing ninja turtles, earth garden river ocean sea, teacher teacher (haha)Atari etc, my first day of school and the tears when my father left me- the betrayal!!, choueifat and eight years of absolute joy, applying to college, the ecstasy of an acceptance letter and the four fabulous years at college. I thought about the people who mattered to me at all those different stages of my life, about promises made, promises broken, and about the few friendships that endured the test of time. I thought about the expectations my friends and family had of me and whether I was able to live up to them; I thought about what kind of a person I’ve been (daughter/ sister/ friend/ girlfriend). And of course I thought about all the frustratinggggg mistakesssss along the way that I so desperately want to take back but know I can’t.

When I was a kid I thought by 23 I would have it all sorted. I assumed that I would have finished college, I would have a great job and successful career, the perfect man who would adore me (intelligent, charming, hilarious, good looking, would take care of me, you know the kinda guy who kisses you on the forehead) I thought I would be self assured and oh so mature. Sitting here right now I realize I have none of that…no guy no job no career no definitive goals and maturity?!?! Ha I feel like I’m sixteen…I have always hated uncertainty I have always planned my life in a way that I know what will happen next year but today- I know nothing!!! And in a weird way (and I surprise myself when I say this) this is such a liberating feeling. Sitting here alone on my bed I know I’m content in a strange and wonderful way. Yeah I’m scared to death and my mind is cluttered with a million questions about how my life will be- will my life be ordinary or extraordinary? Will I be rich or poor? Will I live in my own little bubble or will I do something worthwhile for my country? Will I make my parents proud? Who the hell will I marry? Will he love and adore me? Will I be a good mother? Will I live to be a grandmother? Will I go to heaven or hell? How will I be remembered after I’m gone?!?!

Today I know nothing about the future!!!!!!! I berate myself for all the things I failed to achieve, all the mistakes I could have avoided, and the good advice I didn’t take, but something tells me everythinggggs gonna be alrightttt ( Bob Marley style) And about the mistakes that I kick myself about each night before going to bed?!?! Well I have chosen to accept the mistakes of the past and learn from them (actually I’m in the process of doing that)…you see each one of us has a unique personal biography (made up of values, motivations, emotions, goals, concrete experiences). This personal biography is shaped by our gender, background, class, religion, the society we live in and the decisions we’ve made thus far in our lives; both good and bad. If none of us had ever made the mistakes we have, if we hadn’t loved and lost, if we hadn’t swayed of course- we wouldn’t be who we are today.

This is how I see it- there is always going to be a disparity between the person you are and the person you want to be, and I guess that is what keeps us motivated, keeps us going, striving harder and constantly. As Paulo Coelho puts it, "But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for."So we have to keep believing in ourselves… we have to keep fighting for whatever cause we feel passionate about…we have to understand that we will fall…we will be dealt a few bad hands..we will fail..but like a phoenix if we can rise from our own ashes we will be stronger, wiser, happier and better equipped to deal with whatever is in store for us in the future! Inshallah!

The phoenix